Dear Amigos,

I've been thinking about you, and about a conversation that's been sitting with me all week. This one's personal.

I had just facilitated a client's 360 debrief, the kind where her colleagues finally got to say, out loud, what they'd been experiencing from her leadership. And what came back was beautiful! Her team called her steady. Grounded. The one who held the center while everything around her shook — big layoffs, restructuring, turnover, a company in the middle of real volatility. She was the stability in the storm. I watched her read that feedback, amigos, and I watched something shift in her face. She paused, then looked slowly at me and said candidly, "This feedback tells me I have a strong poker face."

Mami, I felt that in my own chest. Because I know that face. Not her role, not her title, but that place inside where what you feel and what you show don't match. It took real work, and it's still taking work, to choose congruency over performance instead of wearing one of my own. I'm not perfect at it. I'm still learning. But when she said those words, something in me recognized it instantly.

She's a VP, one of the few women in that room at that level. At work, she wears that poker face like a second skin. Calm when everyone else panics. Steady when the ground moves underneath the whole team. People respect her for it. They should. But she told me that when she gets home, the poker face comes off, and what's underneath isn't pretty. It's mom guilt, thick and constant. It's exhaustion that no amount of sleep touches. Two completely different women, living in the same body. One the world applauds. One only she and her family knows.

We sat with her words, amigos. We sat with the emotion underneath them, and with the insight that was trying to surface. And slowly, something started to shift for her. She began to see it herself, that poker face was never a flaw, it was armor, and it did its job. But armor that protects us at work can quietly suffocate us at home. She realized that the big emotions she'd been hiding weren't weaknesses. They were messages, ones that had been trying to get her attention for a long time.

Somos mujeres, we are women. We've been taught that feeling deeply is a liability, so we swallow it, we perform strength, we push through, and we numb it. But what she came to see is that real strength isn't the poker face. It's choosing to listen to what's underneath it, honestly, so we can build a life around what we value instead of just surviving inside it. Even our beautiful heart scars have something to teach us, if we're brave enough to listen.

So let me ask you gently, amigos. What is your poker face hiding?

I made something small for you, just a few honest questions, five minutes, a little mirror for your inner world. Not to fix anything. Not to perform for anyone, not even for me. Just to see yourself, clearly, for once.

​Take it here.​

There's more of this conversation coming, amigos. For now, take your five minutes. I'll be here if you want to reach out.

With gratitude,

Socary✨

Socary Rodriguez, MBA, PCC, ELI-MP
Certified Executive and Leadership Coach

​socary@socaryrodriguez.com | 301-305-9811​